MaryChristine.Me

Have you ever been the victim of unauthorized messaging access? You know, the ones where a person’s ex hacks into your friend’s messaging account, takes screen shots of your PRIVATE conversation, and publishes it for others to see, WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT? (I’ve always been vigilant over my online accounts and when leaks occur, it is always a friend’s account that is compromised, not mine.)

Culprits are not difficult to identify; they are almost always scorned exes of friends. The goal is typically to humiliate participants in the conversation, exposing screenshots of private messages. Illegal acts, by the way.

Case in point: Married Madame (MM) lent her phone to Naive Boy (NB) saying he could use it to access his Facebook account while together. NB returned MM’s android phone when the relationship ended but NB unfortunately forgot to log out of his Facebook/Messenger account on MM’s phone. Not long after that, NB flung himself into the dating pool and initiated private conversations with several women on Facebook. Apparently jealous, MM went on a rampage, publishing dozens of screenshots of private conversations involving NB and his female friends. In a livid moment, MM told one of NB’s female friends “Stop chatting my bf” (sic), forgetting that she was using NB’s account. Minutes after she realized her mistake, MM removed her angry message but alas, NB’s friend had already taken a screenshot of her breach. This event was followed by more breaches and published screenshots of various conversations and private photos on NB’s Facebook account that was obviously hacked. MM only ceased when warned of criminal prosecution for her reckless actions. Needless to say, MM is still the same (what’s that saying about old dogs and new tricks?), scheming and trying all sorts of ways to gain unauthorized access to private calls and messages of men she dates. But if you ask me, I think men should generally avoid dating legally married women such as MM.

Another case of unauthorized access: Philandering Husband (PH) met Social Climber (SC) and the two instantly connect over milk tea, the genZ beverage of choice then. Over time, the two became secret lovers unbeknownst to Hardworking Wife (HW). As the illicit relationship between PH and SC flourished behind closed doors, PH gradually alienated HW at home which ultimately led to the breakdown of their marriage. When HW decided to move on with her life minus PH, PH decided to turn the tables on HW by charging her with having an illicit relationship while married. Desperate for evidence, PH illegally took possession of HW’s iPhone, accessed her private messages and showed them to SC. Feeling a weird sense of triumph and thrill over accessing her rival’s private messages, SC took numerous screenshots of private conversations and proudly shared these photos in a group conversation which SC organized for the purpose of humiliating one of the participants in the hacked conversation. This is a developing story, with a criminal complaint in the works.

If you or someone close to you have been a victim of similar violations, you do have remedies against these perps. First, secure your online account by changing your password immediately, adopting two-step verification, and logging out of all devices linked to your account. Do not delete the conversations where your private messages were exposed. Do not leave the conversation as well, until you have reported the intrusion and the violation on the social media platform’s security system. Block the culprit/s after reporting them. Consult a lawyer to determine your next steps. While we understand how hurt feelings of scorned lovers are to blame for the messaging breach, taking action against those who have shown no remorse for their wrongful actions can deter future violations.

When challenges strike unexpectedly– memento mori.

When people we love become difficult or treat us badly– memento mori.

When things spin out of control — memento mori.

When that thing you worked very hard for just falls apart– memento mori.

When life throws you a curved ball — remember, that we all must die someday and no matter how things are f**kd up, it’s best to blink back tears, pick yourself up, stand tall, straighten your crown, and move forward without losing your zest for life. Make the most of today as if it were your last. Because tomorrow may never come.

Memento mori. With luck, you’ll be able to look back to life’s lowest points someday, smile, and say, “Now, that wasn’t so bad.”

Day 2/21

Sleep quality last night was surprisingly the best that I have had in….months. I can’t remember the last time that I went to bed and woke up with my heart feeling full even when I had just emptied it the day before. Wow. Thank you!

While I am intent on not pursuing my original plans for the next weekend, I am looking forward to using it for recharging and exploring activities that I’ve not been able to do in the past 2 years. And I’m secretly excited for it. It’s true what they say about turning obstacles upside down and using them as learning opportunities.

Before I get carried away with plans for that weekend, a quick rundown of the things that I learned from my 3-year life chapter: I learned the land route to the Philippines’ western islands and braved the long journey alone for a total of 17 hours — one way. I accumulated substantial travel mileage last year, flying to and from a Visayan city that I never dreamt of visiting in my younger years. Sampled their delicious cuisine and enjoyed the rustic sights outside the city. Found Dumaguete quaint and refreshing (wouldn’t mind going again with my sons the next time). Traveled to Singapore with a group and learned to stretch my patience during the loooong layover because the group tour started and ended in Manila (when I could have flown direct from Cebu and cheaply, too). Took on the role of an informal travel assistant to my travel companions, some of whom were first-time international travelers. Discovered that most of my strength was still there despite my older age as I managed to push my own heavy luggage around the airport. Developed an awareness of the existence of female sex workers and their less obnoxious titles these days; Oldest “profession” that never gets old. Knew for sure that the former Philippine president was not exaggerating when he referred to that city in the west as drug-infested. Eye-opener: almost everyone who appeared decent consumed substances and claimed that they were not dependents. Learned, albeit gradually, how to manage emotions, create a facade, and grin and bear the difficult moments. Best of all, I thank my parents for laying the foundation of my moral compass. Without flinching, I chose to take the side of the righteous, even in the face of persecution by persons close to someone special. Marital infidelity is wrong and will remain wrong in my eyes, regardless of who commits it. Trying times but moments that remind me of how fortunate and blessed I am to have been born and raised by my parents. Throw in the many loving moments of that chapter and I am one very grateful woman. Thank you very much for the time, feelings, and effort. Love and light.

“Radical acceptance”

“Gaslighting”

“NPD”

These were three terms that dominated my weekend in review.

Coming from a documentary that is currently featured on a popular streaming app, I am reminded of the therapeutic benefits of silence and journaling. Ideally, one’s thoughts must be put in writing with pen and paper for optimum results. But for most millenials, the electronic journal should do just fine.

Unlike my previous posts where terms are defined and used in proper context, I’m aware that words left here can be the subject of malicious interpretation by eagle-eyed stalkers. For the well-intentioned readers, let’s just say that one way to deal with NPD types is to gloss over their gaslighting and/or accept the condition wholeheartedly without question. The approach to take will depend on individual circumstances as I always like to say that “No two persons are exactly alike.”

Gaslighting to my mind is simply invalidating your feelings and perceptions in order to suit one’s personal agenda. I’m sure there are more detailed and formal definitions out there but this is what it means to me in a nutshell. Key indicators of gaslighting include use of words such as “you’re crazy”, “losing it”, “tripping on drugs” (unless you really are under the influence :)), “get your facts straight”, or “traitor” (for calling them out). It’s widespread in many relationships that people have come to view this as appropriate behavior.

The effects of gaslighting are varied but ultimately damaging to relationships that are constantly subjected to this habit. If you’re entrenched in it, chances are that you won’t even recognize it unless you distance yourself from your tormentor and put your thoughts in words that you can read.

Not all introspection results in “a-ha” moments. It’s possible that you’ll need to go through the exercise of self-examination and journaling a couple of times until you see a discernible pattern that either requires drastic change or ‘radical acceptance’.

Don’t feel the need to rush yourself into making life-changing decisions if you’re not ready for it. Sooner or later, your inner self will nudge you when it’s time. And believe me, that time or circumstance can come when least expected.

Love and Light. May you find lasting inner peace in the path illumined for you.

I grew up carrying two different names, depending on who I’m with. Unlike my siblings who seamlessly used their nicknames at home and at school, I found my nickname “Berry” incongruous and illogical, and tried to keep it a secret from classmates, teachers, and friends.

I recall desperately rubbing out my name off a kiddie notebook that my mom marked with “Berry Florido” in really large letters– think: font size 36. That was in 2nd grade. Alas, the 6-year old in me had no idea how to wipe off Pentel pen permanent markers and so I cringed a day later when one teacher asked, “Who is Berry?”

I grew up using “Christine” and felt like a “Christine” all throughout my teens and adult life. At home, though, I was still “Berry” along with my siblings: “Apple”, “Cherry”, “Peachy”, “Orange”, “Pears” and “Kiwi”. Turns out that my parents were a bunch of sweet lovers who enjoyed having children (I am one of 11 children). While Mom and Dad gave us girls really nice legal names, they thought it sweet to name us after cute fruits.

I had a case of nickname envy growing up. I thought my sisters’ fruity names were better. Why? I looked around and discovered other kids called “Apple”, “Cherry”, and “Peachy”. But “Berry”? Nada. It didn’t help that “Berry” had a vitamin deficiency disease for a homonym. At one time, someone misspelled the vowel and made it worse by calling me “Barry”.

Fast forward to adult life, I figured that using my not-so-ordinary nickname online could help me balance my social media profile on Facebook. If anyone found me on Facebook, they had to know me from way back and know me well. This was an added screen to my selective process of approving friend requests.

What about you? Do you like your nickname?

I fell in love with the Internet for the first time sometime in 1995 when I first acquired my internet subscription from the now defunct Sequelnet. Before that, I participated in the earlier versions of online communities via BBS. While I already had a mobile phone (Motorola flip phone with the retractable antenna, anyone?), SMS was only possible within the same network at the time and mobile phones were hard to come by. At this time, I also used a pocket messaging device, more popularly known as “beepers”. Years before that, my siblings and I were addicted to the VHF two-way radios (my call sign then was Kilo Golf Bravo or KGB). But there was something about the World Wide Web that lured me much earlier than most people I knew back then.

I recall my first emails in 1996. Not knowing many email addresses then, it was always a treat to receive a notification that “You got mail”, never mind that it was a billing statement or unsolicited advertisement. Once during a computer lab class, my Brazilian seatmate Pierre Moreau sent a test message via email saying “You’re beautiful. May we invite you to our dorm after classes?” Anyone would have been excited over the content of the email, but I was more thrilled at the inbox notification of “You got mail.” I dare not mention which school and course we were attending at the time, lest he find this post after all these years. <rotfl> And lovie, my seatmate was not a love interest. No worries. <lol>

Fast forward to the year of uncertainty and vaccination status, I have separate email addresses for law firm work, consular work, personal and business matters. Emails are also synced to mobile phones and tablets for immediate access across all my devices. Some emails are aggregated into one mailbox for efficiency. But this is not all that Internet is for.

We use the net for messaging, maintaining an online presence in various platforms, shopping, entertainment and more recently, for completing more work online. Online tax returns and payments have been around for some time now, but the periodic lockdowns prompted the implementation of more online tools and options at government agencies. We now have the SEC’s Online Submission Tool for companies’ annual reportorial requirements, the IPO’s eServices for online applications of intellectual property registrations, the Department of Labor’s email submission of requirements for Alien Employment Permits, the PEZA’s electronic submission of requirements for special visa applications, and court hearings via video conferencing apps.

And shopping! Where do I begin?? The usual portals are presumed, so there’s no need to go into more detail there. Restaurant meals are also on the food app. Grocery shopping here is still in the toddler stage but it looks promising already. I’ve learned to plan purchases a day before and book deliveries for our supermarket needs. This has been a life saver, literally and figuratively. I still am thrilled just thinking of the time and effort saved by using the shopping apps.

But the key to all the online convenience we’re now enjoying is the robust connectivity of a fiber broadband connection. With our 5G connection at home, shopping online and watching Netflix on HD video quality is a satisfying experience. Staying home no longer feels like a prison when you have Internet to keep you occupied and engaged.

P.S. This is actually a rave post, <lol> something I felt like doing after receiving and testing my fresh delivery of electronic accessories this afternoon. And something I preferred to do than crafting a document for a client. <groan>

It’s been well over a year since we retreated to our homes and struggled to understand the invisible enemy that seemed to have imprisoned the world at one fell swoop. We learned to cover most of our faces, rub hands with sanitizers every hour or so, watch our temps, stand three feet away from others, and stifle sneezes and coughs in public places.

The first few weeks found many of us experiencing fear of the unknown but somehow welcomed the unplanned break from our daily work routine. A part of me wanted to believe the virus would pass after a few weeks. Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. In my part of the world, we seem to be in the same starting point where the world found us last year. And at the rate vaccinations are slowly coming along, it’s realistic to say that we won’t get over this fear until 2023.

We can whine and complain about government inefficiency, as we should, but the wise would couple that with taking personal action for one’s own survival. This means adapting and changing the way we perform our usual responsibilities at home and at work.

At home, I stay outdoors mostly to have my meals, do work from home, play the piano ( I have a digital piano), take calls and breath breaks. If my meals were healthy before, they’ve been tweaked to become much more nutritious for the mind and body. I did this by replacing many of my staples with smarter choices and gradually removing whatever didn’t fit in my health plan. The change did not come in a snap. I didn’t even realize it until last month as I found myself weighing 5 kilos lighter than before. Gone were the periodic migraine, the sluggishness after meals, and the general feeling of guilt over consuming the usual poison.

As expected, we now keep a regular supply of high quality masks (vis-a-vis surgical masks), medical face shields, cloth masks for double masking, gallons of isopropyl alcohol (70% content, nothing less), Lysol spray cans in various scents and anything Lysol (think disinfecting solutions, cleaners, alcogels, wipes), disinfecting guns, UV disinfecting lamps, wearable air sanitizers, wearable air purifiers and ionizers– the list can go on. It’s easy to understand my compulsion to use anything that might remotely reduce risks of infection if you saw me wearing face masks months before the mandatory requirement set in, at a time when COVID19 was referred to as NCOV.

Social media habits have also changed. Updates center on things that matter to me the most: COVID19 info, legal notices, food, memories on Facebook, my boys, my work, and my lovie ( who must be mentioned for inspiring many changes in my life). I’ve reviewed my ‘friends’ on Facebook, weeded and blocked some, and kept privacy settings tight without shutting out the world. Security settings are constantly reviewed as well, given the rise of cybercrime during the pandemic. Do I get trolled and harassed online? Let’s just say my spam and filtered inbox are overflowing with unread messages. Notifications of reactions to public comments that I make on political soundbites are just ignored. You’re free to express whatever just as I’m free to speak my mind over current issues.

Toxic messages from insignificant persons are ignored, too. My advice for people who are bothered by haters? Choose your battles. Engage only those in your league. Don’t elevate those beneath you by engaging them in verbal warfare. Imagine the nosebleed on the other end and your double headache over their limited vocabulary. <toothy grin> I’m only condescending if you pick on me; otherwise, I believe in “Live and Let Live”.

Work habits have also changed. I work through lunch time and avoid personal meetings with clients. Zoom, Google Meet and other online meeting options should be in every business person’s toolkit. Emails are still the preferred mode of communication, as are text messages. A scanner is also my best friend at work. It’s used for evaluating requirements, securing compliance, and keeping documents in a cloud. For consular work, we’ve been actively using Facebook for receiving requests for appointments following our policy of “no appointment, no entry”. Work schedules are adjusted depending on the government restrictions which change every 15 days. Most days, we allow staff to shut down their PCs at 3 p.m. while I pack up to go home around 4 or 430 p.m, a far cry from the pre-covid days where my lovie would be concerned about my ending work at 8 or 9 p.m. He’s breathing much better these days, for sure.

This post could go on for more than a thousand words with notes on changes brought about by the lockdown. But duty calls. It’s Netflix time with lovie every night. Did I also mention I’ve become this mushy potato lately after we found each other at around the time Wuhan consumed bats? And the rest is history.

“Horror Vacui” – – “Nature abhors a vacuum”

Aristotle was believed to have expressed the idea that nature has a tendency to fill up empty spaces or “Horror Vacui”. I couldn’t agree more.

At home and at work, I’m known to constantly declutter and then give away or discard loads of stuff: forgotten, unused, outdated, outgrown, worn out and excessive items. Many times, I do this to gain more space in my closet and room.

The space gained temporarily breathes new life into my room until it is filled almost as soon as it is cleared. Managing the clutter means emptying regularly and disposing off around the same number of new items that are brought home.

Back in our 3-bedroom condo in San Juan, decluttering was a twice yearly event. I had clothes that filled ten wardrobe cabinet doors in a walk – in closet. Some spilled over at the second boy’s room. I used to tell my friends back then that I had enough clothes to wear for a year without repeating an outfit.

When I moved to Cebu City a few years back, I was compelled to part ways with many things, in an effort to reduce my cargo bill. My belongings followed me home in a container truck that neighbors mistook for a liquor warehouse delivery. The precious clothes were in 20 balikbayan boxes. And that was already reduced.

All went well at wardrobe control for the first 3 years here. I made it a point to remove something from my cabinet for every new item brought in. There’s a church that I regularly visit to drop off boxes of preloved items (except my party outfits with the backless tops and sequined thingies which I tell my yaya to just hand over to the trash collector).

And then the online shopping bug hit me. Add to that my generous older sister’s seasonal clothing supply from the US. Clothes are now spilling everywhere I can place them. I can fill an entire room with clothes and shoes now.

These days, I devote a portion of my weekends to sorting, discarding, rearranging and folding clothes. Every time something is removed from my collection, two or three new ones almost immediately replace that singular item. It must be true. Nature does abhor a vacuum.

Today is a weekend. You know what I’ll be doing again later. Emptying and filling cabinets.

“There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one’s cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore.”
– Nicholas Sparks, Message in A Bottle

Almost one year ago, a serendipitous encounter at the grocery led to one of my life’s biggest surprises.

It all started when an interesting stranger went up to me at the supermarket and disappeared after that. A conversation with a good friend led me to take some steps to find that stranger. Needless to say, our paths never crossed again after that striking conversation. He, being a foreigner, must have left the country at the onset of the global exodus sparked by the COVID-19 pandemic.  But I really couldn’t care less.

For it was while “waiting to be found” that I met someone whose initial conversations stirred a familiar sense of “knowing”, like two friends meeting after a long gap in time and space.

“Soulmate” does not quite describe the connection, nor will I refer to ourselves as “twin flames”. But if these concepts came to mind, you know that unmistakeable signs, reinforced by conquered challenges, led to this speculation.

Anyone with romantic tendencies might easily say that the stars aligned at the time for two people to find each other. On the other hand, the down-to-earth person may also offer the idea that two people immensely attracted to one another found ways to come together and remain together despite obstacles headed their way.

But if you blend both ideas, you might realize that destiny is part chance and part choice. And that, sometimes, one can meet their destiny even on the road they took to avoid it.

N.B. This is for the love of my life– KDC.

HELLO, World.

It’s me again. I’m back with a fresh direction for the stuff that I’d like to put out there in the wide wide world.

I could go on a lengthy explanation about the reasons for my silence and my sudden urge to resume this blog (and my many other websites) but I neglected to bring my laptop’s battery charger so I’ll make this quick.

SERENDIPITY

Through the years, I’ve equated chance encounters with fate, destiny, and purpose, maybe as my way of romanticizing accidents, disasters, and seeming uneventful episodes.

Take, for instance, the time when a freak vehicular accident happened at the basement parking of the Rockwell Power Plant Mall many years ago. It was a classic hit-and-run and the driver turned out to be a nice, good-looking man who not long after became a good friend. He still is. 🙂

But not all chance encounters involve mishaps such as a car crash.  Thank goodness.

One recent incident happened inside a supermarket, by the hot sauce shelf atop the vegetable chiller. My sons and I love spicy hot sauce and have been in search of Nando’s Extra Hot sauce in Cebu but can’t seem to find it in town. I’ve made it a habit then to keep an eye out for bottles of hot sauce such as Nando’s every time I hit the grocery.

That time was like any other day (rather, night) at the supermarket after work. People in office clothes were rushing in and out as I sauntered to the vegetable chiller for some fresh romaine and tomatoes. Above the chiller were bottles of red sauce and as I reached for one to check the brand and ingredients, a gentleman’s voice behind me said:

“Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind the intrusion but I’m from Mexico and there we love our hot sauce.”

As I turned around, I saw a slightly tanned man in his early thirties, with light brown hair, rosy cheeks, and beautiful twinkling eyes. He continued to explain:

“That one there, what you’re holding is spicy but many of us in Mexico…we prefer this ONE.” (and he points to another bottle)

“Both are spicy, if you’re looking for really spicy sauce, but this ONE, to me, has better flavor, not just spiciness.”

Immediately, I returned the first bottle and got the ONE that he pointed at. Flustered and aware that some customers were curiously watching us, I only managed to say:

“Hey, thanks. I really appreciate your suggestion. I’m buying this ONE!”

Then, I left.

I went around a few aisles after that and saw him one more time asking for directions to another product.

Finally, I left the counter where I paid for my purchases and as I walked out of the supermarket, I saw him again waiting in line for his turn to pay, but this time, he lifted his chin higher and looked my way as I made for the exit. God! What is this?!

Two days after that, I visited the same mall after working hours, half wondering as I walked around whether I would bump into the nice Mexican hot sauce, I mean, stranger, once again. Alas, my blog post ends here.

Serendipity:  “the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.” (Source: Oxford)

Yeah, and the brand name of the flavorful hot sauce is…… “Valentina” (for Valentine?)

Love and Light,

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