“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Dr. Stephen R. Covey
My mobile devices know the many times I backspaced and trashed responses to things that carried triggers. If I’m quiet, either I’m thinking of the right words to avoid conflict or I didn’t read the message. Silent waters do run deep. But beware the submarine volcano. My silence doesn’t always mean nonchalance. It’s a vacuum that could mean preparation for something big like a strategy, a battle, or a bitter end. Barking dogs seldom bite. It’s the ones that are quiet that are scary.
Cliched as it sounds, one can change his future by merely changing his attitude.
2023 saw me in hyperactive mode– traveling in and out of town almost monthly and juggling roles without missing a beat. I was moving around non-stop until 2024 entered my life and I got three bright red mosquito bites while on a consular-related trip to the Leyte Regional Prison. Even with fluctuating feverish spells, I took my body to work and replied to work emails from sickbed without disclosing to co-workers and clients that, alas, I tested positive for the deadly dengue virus.
While not quite surprised with the lab results showing the presence of the virus in my blood, it took a bit of time for the whole prospect of getting hospitalized to sink in. After some discussion with doctors and a little bit of homework on the illness, I decided to nurse myself back to good health and not be overpowered by feelings of helplessness and self-pity. When my platelets started to drop along with my energy levels, all that I could express was anger. I was mad at the main reason for my trip to the place where I got the evil mosquito bites. I was mad at someone who was oblivious to my illness even after I disclosed it during conversations. The thing with me and anger is that my body automatically shifts to fight mode and all I could think about was getting all the help for my illness, never mind that doctors had already said that there was no cure for it.
I adjusted my diet, sourced some supplements, clocked off earlier at work, turned off some notifications while sleeping, rejected toxic encounters and developed a bit of apathy for those who seemed not to care about my well-being. The signs of the deadly virus gradually subsided. I got back my healthy color but I’m not the kind of empath I used to be. We all have a switch somewhere and all it took was some life-changing event for me to reach for it and change modes.
You don’t need to face the possibility of death to change though. There could be a toxic situation that plays on repeat in your life or a vicious cycle that most likely spells ‘t-r-a-u-m-a-b-o-n-d’. If you know what it is you really need and want in your life, just try taking a deep breath and go forward boldly. Remember that you can’t change what you tolerate. Like they say: “Insanity is doing the same things while expecting different results.”
Now you understand Just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It’s in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, ‘Cause I’m a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.
“But I am the shadow you cannot outrun, the mirror that holds your final reflection. You may duck my gaze for all your days on Earth, but let me assure you, I get the last look. I am Truth.” Mitch Albom, The Little Liar
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
The following describes some of the personalities I encountered today:
“Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.”
When tired, rest, not quit.
We’re all intended for different purposes: know what yours is and follow your road.
It’s okay to rant if it helps release some steam, but a constant whiner who looks at every side as negative, is a weak link in every group or organization. Catch your negative thoughts before they shape your narrative, or worse, your bitter end. Overthinking can strain your mental health. Remember Don Quixote? Those giants in your mind could just be windmills.
2022 and the first half of 2023 were marked with revenge-travel post-Covid19 lockdowns. In 2022, I accumulated substantial air mileage with frequent flights to Manila and Iloilo, and a visit to Singapore. 2023 brought me even further as I flew to Manila several times, to Iloilo, and then to Japan and Denmark, all in a span of six months.
There is nothing much to share about Iloilo and Manila, both domestic destinations not having anything new to offer for locals like me. While Manila seemed more crowded and busier than usual, Iloilo was pretty much the same.
Japan in Spring
Our law firm’s annual meeting took place in Fukuoka, Japan. Visa and flight arrangements were handled professionally for the more than 100 lawyers who flew out of the country in three flight batches. I left Cebu to take a flight out of Manila together with dozens of lawyers from our Makati offices.
We arrived a little after lunch (Japan time) and checked in our hotel (Grand Hyatt Fukuoka) at around 3 p.m. This gave me enough time to walk over to the connecting Hakata Canal mall where I was lulled by the sight of retail shops. After checking off my shopping list containing some of my sons’ purchase “orders”, I proceeded to the ramen shop where it is customary for one to pre-order using a vendo machine that churned out paper tickets. I was immediately seated in what seemed like a tiny confessional window that was opened to reveal my delicious bowl of piping hot ramen. One order seemed enough for two so there was little room for dessert.
Day 2
On my second day in Fukuoka, Joan, Daryl (Joan’s hubby) and I went to the business district on foot, with me on the lookout for pink sakura blooms and Joan on a quest for limited edition Jo Malone sakura scent (and other shopping vanities that shall remain our secret). Needless to say, we both got what we wanted after a few hours around the city. Not only that, we got our fill of sakura blossoms, tulips in a multitude of colors and other blooms that seemed to grow everywhere!
After a late lunch of ramen (what else?!), we went back to our hotel to freshen up before making a quick run to the grocery down the street. I got a pack of large strawberries along with a variety of Japanese snacks, crackers, mixed nuts, matcha powder, and many other items that had names that I couldn’t pronounce.
The evening was capped by a tasty spread of Japanese cuisine served the 5-star way.
Day 3 was more hectic with bus tours taking us out of the business district, onward to the iconic temples and Ohori botanical garden where one can easily walk over to the Sakura Festival site which was teeming with people. Wow. Just wow. There’s so much to gush about Fukuoka that I filled half a Muji notebook with details of my recent trip while on the plane ride back to the Philippines.
I first saw her on a shared video from her previous human owner. I admit that it wasn’t love at first sight. A dog with long rabbit ears and super black hair just doesn’t evoke cute sentiments inside me. I saw more photos of her after that and the effect was still the same. Perhaps she wasn’t as photogenic as other dogs I see online?
Weeks after learning that she was going to my home after all, I found myself wondering whether I was prepared for her. A dog is not just a pet, but is a commitment. Given that I already have so much on my plate right now, I was hesitant about receiving her.
When she turned 3 months old, her human pushed for her immediate turnover. I remember taking deep breaths and dragging my feet on her shipping papers until an incident that showed her sensitivity and potential high animal emotional quotient made me pivot and open my heart to her. I just knew it was best for her to be with us.
Getting her papers for the shipment took less than a week. And then one morning, I drove to the airport at 6 a.m. to pick her up. After a long wait at the releasing area, the cargo wagon rolled in with a noisy passenger: It was Pepper sounding a bit under stress (probably from taking two flights overnight). Meeting her face to face, it still did not feel like love at first sight. She was in a soiled diaper and barking ceaselessly. All this changed when they moved her carrier into the back seat of my car. Pepper gradually settled down behind me and remained still and quiet on the long drive from the airport to our home. For a while, I thought I even heard her snore as she took a nap during the drive home.
The day that she came home for the first time, I decided to try my hand at puppy training using dog treats. Start them young because “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” <wink> In less than 10 minutes, Pepper could take the sitting position when prompted to “Sit.” This became a daily motivation and I now look forward to coming home to watch her sit and take the treats from my hand. It’s been a week since we met and we’ve been able to play with her toys after dinner. I can go on and on about Pepper and gush about the many little things she is able to do now. The best part of my nights now include getting doggy hugs and watching her sleep. Pepper is like most dogs who demonstrate their appreciation and love for their human caretakers. (Unlike some narcissistic partners who only suck you dry emotionally, betray you repeatedly, and gaslight you when they play victim. Ouch!) That kind of doggy reciprocation is enough to melt even the coldest heart. Awww– someone’s in love!
Welcome to my online journal. I note a recent surge in site visits over the past few days, most of which come from the world’s leading social media platform, Facebook. I do hope you found some tips here useful.
Today, I focus on ageism or age discrimination prevalent on social media these days.
Studies show that women of a certain age bracket are common targets of this type of discrimination, possibly due to outdated female stereotypes. You’ll see this frequently in social media comments attacking women solely because of their age. Unfortunately, the rude comments come from women ( not always young, but sometimes young-er than their victims).
How to deal?
Most women surveyed on their potential reactions to being the victim of ageist comments say that blocking is the best remedy. Some feisty ones say that they would clap back and put the attackers in their place. Some also say to just ignore and not let them take time and attention that are best used on living your best life or enjoying the perks of being matured and settled. Depending on your situation, I think that the right strategy is whatever gives you peace of mind.
As for the loose cannons out there: Girls, it is a sign of ill breeding to prey on fellow females. There are enough obstacles for women succeeding in this world of misogynists, harassers, and abusers. It is also a reflection of the kind of language used in your household. Remember to watch your thoughts, they become words. Verbal diarrhea may also indicate underlying psychological issues that perpetuate in a vicious cycle because of such toxic behavior. If you’re still single and have been unsuccessful in the dating game, perhaps it’s time to reflect on your language and behavior and see if there is a similar pattern in your relationships. On the other hand, if you’re in a relationship with unavailable men (legally, physically, or emotionally) do you ever wonder if you can attract better prospects by making some changes in your attitude towards others? Is that really the best that you can come up with?
If you are a victim of ageism on social media, then this message is for you: Everyone ages, and someday it will also catch up on your attackers. The advanced years you have are assets, not liabilities, for you KNOW better, ACCOMPLISHED much, LIVED a good life without stepping on others, and have earned enough to live independently without your parents’ money. What matters most is the QUALITY of your life and the heartprints you leave behind on the lives of people you have encountered.
