Truth

“But I am the shadow you cannot outrun, the mirror that holds your final reflection. You may duck my gaze for all your days on Earth, but let me assure you, I get the last look.
I am Truth.”
Mitch Albom, The Little Liar

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

by Max Ehrmann ©1927

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Emotional Intelligence

The following describes some of the personalities I encountered today:

“Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.”

When tired, rest, not quit.

We’re all intended for different purposes: know what yours is and follow your road.

It’s okay to rant if it helps release some steam, but a constant whiner who looks at every side as negative, is a weak link in every group or organization. Catch your negative thoughts before they shape your narrative, or worse, your bitter end. Overthinking can strain your mental health. Remember Don Quixote? Those giants in your mind could just be windmills.

You’re welcome.

Revenge-Travel Post Lockdown

2022 and the first half of 2023 were marked with revenge-travel post-Covid19 lockdowns. In 2022, I accumulated substantial air mileage with frequent flights to Manila and Iloilo, and a visit to Singapore. 2023 brought me even further as I flew to Manila several times, to Iloilo, and then to Japan and Denmark, all in a span of six months.

There is nothing much to share about Iloilo and Manila, both domestic destinations not having anything new to offer for locals like me. While Manila seemed more crowded and busier than usual, Iloilo was pretty much the same.

Japan in Spring

Our law firm’s annual meeting took place in Fukuoka, Japan. Visa and flight arrangements were handled professionally for the more than 100 lawyers who flew out of the country in three flight batches. I left Cebu to take a flight out of Manila together with dozens of lawyers from our Makati offices.

We arrived a little after lunch (Japan time) and checked in our hotel (Grand Hyatt Fukuoka) at around 3 p.m. This gave me enough time to walk over to the connecting Hakata Canal mall where I was lulled by the sight of retail shops. After checking off my shopping list containing some of my sons’ purchase “orders”, I proceeded to the ramen shop where it is customary for one to pre-order using a vendo machine that churned out paper tickets. I was immediately seated in what seemed like a tiny confessional window that was opened to reveal my delicious bowl of piping hot ramen. One order seemed enough for two so there was little room for dessert.

Day 2

On my second day in Fukuoka, Joan, Daryl (Joan’s hubby) and I went to the business district on foot, with me on the lookout for pink sakura blooms and Joan on a quest for limited edition Jo Malone sakura scent (and other shopping vanities that shall remain our secret). Needless to say, we both got what we wanted after a few hours around the city. Not only that, we got our fill of sakura blossoms, tulips in a multitude of colors and other blooms that seemed to grow everywhere!

After a late lunch of ramen (what else?!), we went back to our hotel to freshen up before making a quick run to the grocery down the street. I got a pack of large strawberries along with a variety of Japanese snacks, crackers, mixed nuts, matcha powder, and many other items that had names that I couldn’t pronounce.

The evening was capped by a tasty spread of Japanese cuisine served the 5-star way.

Day 3 was more hectic with bus tours taking us out of the business district, onward to the iconic temples and Ohori botanical garden where one can easily walk over to the Sakura Festival site which was teeming with people. Wow. Just wow. There’s so much to gush about Fukuoka that I filled half a Muji notebook with details of my recent trip while on the plane ride back to the Philippines.

Up next…my trip to Copenhagen, Denmark.

A Different Kind of Love

Pepper

I first saw her on a shared video from her previous human owner. I admit that it wasn’t love at first sight. A dog with long rabbit ears and super black hair just doesn’t evoke cute sentiments inside me. I saw more photos of her after that and the effect was still the same. Perhaps she wasn’t as photogenic as other dogs I see online?

Weeks after learning that she was going to my home after all, I found myself wondering whether I was prepared for her. A dog is not just a pet, but is a commitment. Given that I already have so much on my plate right now, I was hesitant about receiving her.

When she turned 3 months old, her human pushed for her immediate turnover. I remember taking deep breaths and dragging my feet on her shipping papers until an incident that showed her sensitivity and potential high animal emotional quotient made me pivot and open my heart to her. I just knew it was best for her to be with us.

Getting her papers for the shipment took less than a week. And then one morning, I drove to the airport at 6 a.m. to pick her up. After a long wait at the releasing area, the cargo wagon rolled in with a noisy passenger: It was Pepper sounding a bit under stress (probably from taking two flights overnight). Meeting her face to face, it still did not feel like love at first sight. She was in a soiled diaper and barking ceaselessly. All this changed when they moved her carrier into the back seat of my car. Pepper gradually settled down behind me and remained still and quiet on the long drive from the airport to our home. For a while, I thought I even heard her snore as she took a nap during the drive home.

The day that she came home for the first time, I decided to try my hand at puppy training using dog treats. Start them young because “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” <wink> In less than 10 minutes, Pepper could take the sitting position when prompted to “Sit.” This became a daily motivation and I now look forward to coming home to watch her sit and take the treats from my hand. It’s been a week since we met and we’ve been able to play with her toys after dinner. I can go on and on about Pepper and gush about the many little things she is able to do now. The best part of my nights now include getting doggy hugs and watching her sleep. Pepper is like most dogs who demonstrate their appreciation and love for their human caretakers. (Unlike some narcissistic partners who only suck you dry emotionally, betray you repeatedly, and gaslight you when they play victim. Ouch!) That kind of doggy reciprocation is enough to melt even the coldest heart. Awww– someone’s in love!

Ageism on Filipino Social Media

Welcome to my online journal. I note a recent surge in site visits over the past few days, most of which come from the world’s leading social media platform, Facebook. I do hope you found some tips here useful.

Today, I focus on ageism or age discrimination prevalent on social media these days.

Studies show that women of a certain age bracket are common targets of this type of discrimination, possibly due to outdated female stereotypes. You’ll see this frequently in social media comments attacking women solely because of their age. Unfortunately, the rude comments come from women ( not always young, but sometimes young-er than their victims).

How to deal?

Most women surveyed on their potential reactions to being the victim of ageist comments say that blocking is the best remedy. Some feisty ones say that they would clap back and put the attackers in their place. Some also say to just ignore and not let them take time and attention that are best used on living your best life or enjoying the perks of being matured and settled. Depending on your situation, I think that the right strategy is whatever gives you peace of mind.

As for the loose cannons out there: Girls, it is a sign of ill breeding to prey on fellow females. There are enough obstacles for women succeeding in this world of misogynists, harassers, and abusers. It is also a reflection of the kind of language used in your household. Remember to watch your thoughts, they become words. Verbal diarrhea may also indicate underlying psychological issues that perpetuate in a vicious cycle because of such toxic behavior. If you’re still single and have been unsuccessful in the dating game, perhaps it’s time to reflect on your language and behavior and see if there is a similar pattern in your relationships. On the other hand, if you’re in a relationship with unavailable men (legally, physically, or emotionally) do you ever wonder if you can attract better prospects by making some changes in your attitude towards others? Is that really the best that you can come up with?

If you are a victim of ageism on social media, then this message is for you: Everyone ages, and someday it will also catch up on your attackers. The advanced years you have are assets, not liabilities, for you KNOW better, ACCOMPLISHED much, LIVED a good life without stepping on others, and have earned enough to live independently without your parents’ money. What matters most is the QUALITY of your life and the heartprints you leave behind on the lives of people you have encountered.

Love and Light.

When Your Private Messages Are Hacked

Have you ever been the victim of unauthorized messaging access? You know, the ones where a person’s ex hacks into your friend’s messaging account, takes screen shots of your PRIVATE conversation, and publishes it for others to see, WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT? (I’ve always been vigilant over my online accounts and when leaks occur, it is always a friend’s account that is compromised, not mine.)

Culprits are not difficult to identify; they are almost always scorned exes of friends. The goal is typically to humiliate participants in the conversation, exposing screenshots of private messages. Illegal acts, by the way.

Case in point: Married Madame (MM) lent her phone to Naive Boy (NB) saying he could use it to access his Facebook account while together. NB returned MM’s android phone when the relationship ended but NB unfortunately forgot to log out of his Facebook/Messenger account on MM’s phone. Not long after that, NB flung himself into the dating pool and initiated private conversations with several women on Facebook. Apparently jealous, MM went on a rampage, publishing dozens of screenshots of private conversations involving NB and his female friends. In a livid moment, MM told one of NB’s female friends “Stop chatting my bf” (sic), forgetting that she was using NB’s account. Minutes after she realized her mistake, MM removed her angry message but alas, NB’s friend had already taken a screenshot of her breach. This event was followed by more breaches and published screenshots of various conversations and private photos on NB’s Facebook account that was obviously hacked. MM only ceased when warned of criminal prosecution for her reckless actions. Needless to say, MM is still the same (what’s that saying about old dogs and new tricks?), scheming and trying all sorts of ways to gain unauthorized access to private calls and messages of men she dates. But if you ask me, I think men should generally avoid dating legally married women such as MM.

Another case of unauthorized access: Philandering Husband (PH) met Social Climber (SC) and the two instantly connect over milk tea, the genZ beverage of choice then. Over time, the two became secret lovers unbeknownst to Hardworking Wife (HW). As the illicit relationship between PH and SC flourished behind closed doors, PH gradually alienated HW at home which ultimately led to the breakdown of their marriage. When HW decided to move on with her life minus PH, PH decided to turn the tables on HW by charging her with having an illicit relationship while married. Desperate for evidence, PH illegally took possession of HW’s iPhone, accessed her private messages and showed them to SC. Feeling a weird sense of triumph and thrill over accessing her rival’s private messages, SC took numerous screenshots of private conversations and proudly shared these photos in a group conversation which SC organized for the purpose of humiliating one of the participants in the hacked conversation. This is a developing story, with a criminal complaint in the works.

If you or someone close to you have been a victim of similar violations, you do have remedies against these perps. First, secure your online account by changing your password immediately, adopting two-step verification, and logging out of all devices linked to your account. Do not delete the conversations where your private messages were exposed. Do not leave the conversation as well, until you have reported the intrusion and the violation on the social media platform’s security system. Block the culprit/s after reporting them. Consult a lawyer to determine your next steps. While we understand how hurt feelings of scorned lovers are to blame for the messaging breach, taking action against those who have shown no remorse for their wrongful actions can deter future violations.

Memento Mori

When challenges strike unexpectedly– memento mori.

When people we love become difficult or treat us badly– memento mori.

When things spin out of control — memento mori.

When that thing you worked very hard for just falls apart– memento mori.

When life throws you a curved ball — remember, that we all must die someday and no matter how things are f**kd up, it’s best to blink back tears, pick yourself up, stand tall, straighten your crown, and move forward without losing your zest for life. Make the most of today as if it were your last. Because tomorrow may never come.

Memento mori. With luck, you’ll be able to look back to life’s lowest points someday, smile, and say, “Now, that wasn’t so bad.”

The Way of the Obstacle

Day 2/21

Sleep quality last night was surprisingly the best that I have had in….months. I can’t remember the last time that I went to bed and woke up with my heart feeling full even when I had just emptied it the day before. Wow. Thank you!

While I am intent on not pursuing my original plans for the next weekend, I am looking forward to using it for recharging and exploring activities that I’ve not been able to do in the past 2 years. And I’m secretly excited for it. It’s true what they say about turning obstacles upside down and using them as learning opportunities.

Before I get carried away with plans for that weekend, a quick rundown of the things that I learned from my 3-year life chapter: I learned the land route to the Philippines’ western islands and braved the long journey alone for a total of 17 hours — one way. I accumulated substantial travel mileage last year, flying to and from a Visayan city that I never dreamt of visiting in my younger years. Sampled their delicious cuisine and enjoyed the rustic sights outside the city. Found Dumaguete quaint and refreshing (wouldn’t mind going again with my sons the next time). Traveled to Singapore with a group and learned to stretch my patience during the loooong layover because the group tour started and ended in Manila (when I could have flown direct from Cebu and cheaply, too). Took on the role of an informal travel assistant to my travel companions, some of whom were first-time international travelers. Discovered that most of my strength was still there despite my older age as I managed to push my own heavy luggage around the airport. Developed an awareness of the existence of female sex workers and their less obnoxious titles these days; Oldest “profession” that never gets old. Knew for sure that the former Philippine president was not exaggerating when he referred to that city in the west as drug-infested. Eye-opener: almost everyone who appeared decent consumed substances and claimed that they were not dependents. Learned, albeit gradually, how to manage emotions, create a facade, and grin and bear the difficult moments. Best of all, I thank my parents for laying the foundation of my moral compass. Without flinching, I chose to take the side of the righteous, even in the face of persecution by persons close to someone special. Marital infidelity is wrong and will remain wrong in my eyes, regardless of who commits it. Trying times but moments that remind me of how fortunate and blessed I am to have been born and raised by my parents. Throw in the many loving moments of that chapter and I am one very grateful woman. Thank you very much for the time, feelings, and effort. Love and light.

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